There must be violence against men

There must be violence against men
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
By: Maged Thabet Al-Kholidy majed_thabet@hotmail.com

This title may sound strange, but it’s actually not just a way to attract readers to the topic because I really do mean what it indicates. Violence is a broad term, especially when used regarding men. In this piece, I want to shed light on those instances where violence against men is a must.

First, we should know the meaning of the word violence. Longman’s Dictionary of Contemporary English defines violence as “behavior that is intended to hurt other people physically.” However, the term violence mustn’t be confused with other concepts and terms such as gender inequality or absence of men rights.

Occasionally – if not daily – we hear about events occurring in Islamic and Arab societies. Some human rights organizations recently have attacked violent acts against men, standing against any type of violence – even that between a mother and son – and citing the cases of some men as examples.

Consequently, they offer solutions such as complaining to the police, taking revenge or leaving them women, who are either their wives, mothers or daughters – with no exceptions.

One such case involved a man whose wife allegedly had beaten him. Without revealing the wife’s reasons for doing so, such human rights organizations immediately urged the husband to complain to the police and the courts, while at the same time generalizing the instance and other similar solutions to any type of violence.

If a man and woman are husband and wife, the Qur’an provides solutions, firstly reaffirming any logical and acceptable reasons for such punishment. These solutions are in gradual phases and not just for men, but for women also.

For women, it begins with abandoning the marital bed, by opting to sleep elsewhere in the house. After this, they may discuss the matter with any respected person for the husband’s or the wife’s family, who could be in a position to advise the husband. If this also does not work, then the wife yields to beating the husband slightly. They do this because of a misunderstanding in the Quran, as the word says Darban, which is commonly understood today as beating. However, in Classic Arabic it means to set examples or to announce and proclaim. The more accurate meaning of this last one is that the wife finally has to set forth, to make a clear statement or proclamation, and if these measures fail, then divorce is preferable.

Similarly, husbands may take actions such as abandoning the marital bed, following by leaving the wife’s home for that of their parents, sisters or any other relatives. They may do this more than once, but if such action fails, they may not continue to live with their wife and via their relatives, they may request a divorce.

Despite such instructions, beating is considered a type of violence, according to human rights organizations, which urge men to complain to the police. I just wonder what kind of families our societies would have if Muslim men started doing this regarding their wifes.

Relationships between fathers and daughters or sisters and brothers also provoke argument from human rights organizations, which propose the suggested solutions for all relationships. Personally, I don’t think mothers or sisters would undertake such behavior unless there was a reason for it.

Mothers are responsible for their son’s behavior, but human rights organizations deny this too. Sisters also should take action regarding their brothers’ behavior, especially if their parents are too old or dead. If a son or brother makes a mistake – especially a moral one – that negatively affects the entire family and its reputation, what’s the solution by such organizations?

According to them, men should complain to the courts about any type of violence against them. Likewise, should mothers and sisters complain to police if their sons or brothers violate moral, Islamic or social norms?

Mothers should handle their sons via any means that suits their mistake; thus, is it better to use violence to a certain limit or complain to the police? Shall such men then complain to the police against their mothers or sisters? It’s really amazing to hear this.

In some cases, violence is necessary, but there must be limits. Those “good human rights organizations” don’t make any exceptions in their solutions because their aim is to serve society. Will it be a better society once we see husbands, fathers, brothers and sons going from one police station and one court to another, complaining against their mothers, wives, sisters and even daughters?

As the proverb goes, “If the speaker is mad, the listener should be mindful.” This proverb is good advice for every man and woman not only to keep their ears open, but also to avoid the misleading propaganda of such organizations, whose surface aims hide other destructive ones to destroy society’s religious, social and moral norms. This matter requires consideration.

Dear readers – especially men – don’t think that I hate or am against men; rather, I simply mean to preserve the morals and principles with which Islam has honored us.

I hope my message is clear, since it’s really quite relevant to the future of our societies, which must be protected from any kind of cultural invasion.